《亲密关系》第十三章《亲密关系的解体与消亡》“请你思考”解析

Analysis of “For Your Consideration” in “Intimate Relationships” by Rowland Miller

Connie and Bobby married during their senior year in high school when she became pregnant with their first child. They didn’t have much money, and the baby demanded a lot of attention, so neither of them went to college, and after a few years and another child, it appeared that neither of them would. Bobby now works as a long-haul trucker, so he is gone for several days at a time. Connie is a cashier at a grocery store, and she is increasingly disgruntled. She has always felt that she deserved more than the modest life she leads, and she has started viewing Bobby with hidden disrespect. He is a cheerful, friendly man who is very warm to his children, but he lacks ambition, and Connie is beginning to think that he’ll never “move up in the world.” So, she feels very flattered by the flirtatious regional manager of the grocery store chain who asks her out for drinks and dinner when Bobby is on the road. She fantasizes about how much more exciting her life would be if she were married to the manager, and she has decided to sleep with him to see what that’s like.

In your opinion, having read this chapter, what should Connie do? What does the future hold for Connie and Bobby? Why?

• senior year in high school: 高三。

中国的教育阶段是（六三学制）小学6年，初中3年，高中3年。美国的教育阶段是小学5年，初中3年，高中4年。其中高中的4年，分别叫freshman, sophomore, junior, senior，这与大学4年的叫法相同。

• neither of them would: 这是个省略句。寻找前面的谓语，只有went to college，所以本句理解为neither of them would go to college。这里意思是，Connie and Bobby不但过去没上大学，将来也上不了了。
• disgruntled: 不满
• flirtatious: 见第十章
• feels flattered: 别人让你感到重要，高兴

婚姻满意度随着时间下降。

如今，结婚者有50%会离婚。许多人离婚不到30岁。

很多人认为婚姻应该是玩乐，而不是任务；应该让人兴奋，而不是常规；应该充满激情，而不是温情。Connie正是有这种想法。

只有当夫妻双方做家务对半开的时候，两人才都感到幸福，否则总有一方不幸福。Bobby工作时间过长，与配偶相处的时间少，做家务也少，所以Connie不幸福。

题目没有说两人的收入，但是如果Connie收入高于Bobby，两人就更有可能离婚。

订婚前同居，在结婚后更可能离婚。Connie and Bobby显然是在订婚前同居，所以他们的离婚可能性高。

离婚最主要的障碍是对伴侣的依赖和宗教信念。题目没有说Connie and Bobby的宗教信念。但是他们两人聚少离多，对伴侣的依赖应该不高，所以容易离婚。

成为母亲会让女性有更好的调适能力，能更适应（不良的）婚姻。

按照持续的动力模型，Bobby always lack ambition，Connie应该是知道的。Lack of ambition这个问题从结婚前带入了结婚后。另外，Connie对Bobby存在幻灭。她可能一开始幻想Bobby会升迁，但现在认为he’ll never move up in the world.

Connie and Bobby don’t have much money，而且抚养孩子是一大笔开支。贫穷且缺乏教育，是一个离婚信号。少年婚姻、少年性行为、婚前同居、婚前生育容易离婚。

伴侣外性行为会增加离婚风险。

Bobby是个乐观的人，乐观态度不容易离婚。

Connie现在有经理这个替代选择，并且她认为这个CL_alt比现在好。

题目的家庭正处在亲密关系结束的典型脚本的步骤2，离离婚其实还很远。

女性离婚后的财务状况通常会恶化。

Connie and Bobby有两个孩子，这令离婚变得复杂。离异的孩子的幸福水平较低，成年后的亲密关系更为脆弱。如果Connie喜欢的杂货店经理收入很高，那么可以抵消一些问题。

总结

如果Connie and Bobby能撑过30岁，他们离婚的可能就下降些。

Bobby回家时，多做做家务，陪伴妻子，这样有助于婚姻。

Bobby要争取升迁、加薪，be more ambitious。

Connie and Bobby可以共同参加宗教活动，这会降低离婚率。

提高性生活满意度可以减少离婚。