《亲密关系》第十二章《权力和暴力》“请你思考”解析

Analysis of “For Your Consideration” in “Intimate Relationships” by Rowland Miller

During their first year of marriage, Britni and Jonathon fell into a pattern in which he kept track of their debit account and paid all their bills each month. She was still a senior in college and didn’t have a job, but he was working and earning just enough money for them to live on each month if they were careful. He took pride in his prudent management of money, but both of them were glad when she graduated and got a great job that actually paid her a little more than Jonathon’s did. He was surprised, however, when she announced that she wanted to maintain her own checking and savings accounts. She suggested that they each put half of their earnings into a joint account that would pay the bills and then keep the rest of their money for their own use. He was hurt that she did not want to merge their monies and join financial forces, and he was annoyed when he realized that, if they each kept half their money, she would have a lot more money
than he would after a few years. But she argued that she wanted to be allowed to do what she wanted with her extra earnings, spending or investing them as she saw fit, and she thought that separate accounts would actually avoid disagreements and conflict.

Having read this chapter, what do you think the future holds for Britni and Jonathon? Why?

英语解释

• monies: 多数情况下为单数。[plural] (法律) 钱的总和

Jonathon

大五人格特质

依恋维度

        |
安全型  | 痴迷型
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疏离型  | 恐惧型
        |

Britini

        |
安全型  | 痴迷型
------------------
疏离型  | 恐惧型✓
        |

忧虑被弃高的女性容易被占有欲和控制欲强的男生吸引。Jonathon and Britni结婚时，Britni仍在读大学，说明她喜欢有权力的男人。Britni希望避免冲突，说明她的回避亲密较高。

“she argued that she wanted to be allowed to do what she wanted”，这说明以前Jonathon管Britni比较严，不让她做自己想做的事。

第11章section THE COURSE OF CONFLICT说到，金钱问题是最持久的冲突。

社交权力指影响他人行为并抵制他人影响自己的一种能力。

传统上，男性处于支配地位。但是21世纪里男女都外出工作，人们认为男女应该并有机会获得平等的话语权。Jonathon应该是传统型的。

权力是建立在对有价值的资源的控制的基础上。Jonathon如果一直控制金钱，他对Britni就有较大的权力。Britni可以不让丈夫色色，她也获得了权力。

根据较小利益原则，较不依赖亲密关系的人，对这段关系拥有较大的权力。Britni如果提升自己，获得更大的吸引力，有别人追求，那么她较不依赖丈夫，就对丈夫有更多的权力。

在美国，平均来讲男性的工资多余女性。虽然现在Jonathon赚的比较少，他可能以后会涨工资。所以不用急着否定跟妻子共同存钱的计划。

Britni要善用女性的非语言沟通的敏感性，比如在Jonathon心情好时提出要求。

保留共同账户后，夫妻共同的事项将会进行双边行动，独自的事项会进行单边行动。低工具性的人（女性）往往采用间接、单边的策略。

题目没有提到Jonathon and Britni之间存在暴力，但Jonathon有可能产生暴力行为，因为他收入较少，为了支撑自己的男性支配地位，他可能试图控制妻子。

总结

Britni可以化妆、打扮自己，健身等方式让自己变得更吸引人，因此获得性爱上的权力。这样一来可以跟丈夫的金钱权力抗衡。

Jonathon的工资可能会涨，所以不用急着否定跟妻子共同存钱的计划。

Britni可以更多地沟通，直接说出自己想要的东西。

Britni收入高于Jonathon，两人就更有可能离婚。（第十三章）